First of July
by Illusions of Insanity
Summary: Every year felt as painful as the last. It was her pain and her pain alone. Even to her friends, she could only pretend and keep it as her dark secret. (Drabble)


The fire was just about to die out. Luke had stopped shifting the meager amount of wood that they had gathered that night. "It's getting late," he mused as he looked around. "I'll let it smolder to throw off our scent, though it might make it harder to sleep. Just don't lay too close, okay, Thalia?"

Thalia glanced up from staring at her small backpack. "Huh?"

Luke smirked and shook his head. "Don't lay so close to the fire because I'm going to let it smolder. Maybe the monsters will have a harder time picking us up through the smoke. I could use the sleep," he sighed.

Thalia rolled her eyes. "Yeah, good luck with that. They'll probably smell us and hurry to snatch a bite of grilled demigod," she teased, grasping at the air as if she was snatching her friend up with monsterous claws. "Oak smoke for a little added flavor, too!"

Luke frowned and pointed to Annabeth. Thalia stopped smiling.

"She's sleeping. She won't hear me," Thalia defended. She watched the young blond shift under her blanket before moving towards her and brushing the blanket away from the fire. She then sat back down at her post with a sigh. "Besides, we'll just take turns on lookout, as usual."

Luke groaned and pulled on his face, leaving streaks of ashes and dirt that went from his eyes to his chin. "Oh, great. I _love_ lookout duty. You know, for once I wish we had the money for a hotel room."

Thalia chuckled dryly. "When you find a hundred dollar bill in the drain, then you can book us a room." She lifted her bright blue eyes at him and smiled fondly. "One with a hot shower and a minifridge."

"And a television and two plush extravagant beds," Luke added dreamily.

Thalia raised an eyebrow. " _Two_ beds? Might wanna do a headcount, Luke. There's _three_ of us."

Luke leaned back and rested his weight on his hands as he moved them behind him. "We could share," he suggested. "Three beds in one room is expensive, Thalia. We can save some money and pocket the change."

Thalia laughed and stared up at the trees above them. "Pocket the change? _Please_. That room will easily cost us the entire hundred dollars." She glanced back down at Luke and playfully glared at him. "Besides, I'd rather share a bed with Annabeth than I would with you."

Luke gasped and placed a hand over his heart as if he had been stabbed. "After everything we've been through, you don't want to share with _me_? We've slain monsters together, Thalia! I thought we were friends," he wailed dramatically.

Thalia tried to shush him, but it was quite hard to hear her beyond her laughter. "Be quiet, Luke. You'll wake up Annabeth."

Luke shook his head and returned to his lounging. He stared up at the trees before his smile slowly faded into a frown. "...Now if only I could find a hundred dollars," he sighed. "Things certainly would be easier."

Thalia stared guiltily at her backpack before looking back at Luke. "Most things would be," she pointed out. She glanced back at Annabeth and shook her head. "You really should get some sleep, Luke," Thalia said after a pause. "It really is late." She turned back with a playful spark in her eye. "If you don't, then _you'll_ get first watch while _I_ sleep."

Luke paled. "Oh no," he said dramatically. "I am _not_ taking the first watch. I always get first watch. I'm getting some sleep and _you_ get to stay on the lookout for any monsters." He quickly pulled his backpack closer and started rummaging around. Eventually he pulled out a pillow and a blanket and made a spot to sleep a few feet away from the dying campfire. He hastily hid under the blanket and turned his body so he was lying on his side facing Annabeth. He made a slight contented noise before closing his eyes.

"Goodnight, Thalia," he murmured.

Thalia felt her chest fill with cottonballs. Still, she smiled fondly. "Goodnight, Luke. Don't snore, okay?"

Luke huffed but ultimately said nothing.

Thalia slowly watched the fire die until all that remained were a few small embers. She estimated it be past midnight. She halfheartedly wished her magic shield Aegis was hidden in a watch rather than a bracelet. She scanned the woods for any signs of life before stopping to check on Annabeth and Luke.

Asleep, just what she wanted.

Thalia held her breath and slowly opened her backpack. Every sound the zipper made sounded like an explosion. She expected either of her friends to wake up at any moment and catch her in the act. But no, they slept soundly. When her bag was open enough, Thalia reached inside and found a small plastic box. She drew in another sharp breath and pulled it into view.

It wasn't much. Simply put, it was an older tupperware piece Thalia had managed to... _aquire_. It wasn't the box that was what made her hold her breath. No, it was inside that made her heart beat in her ears. Inside was a single pastel blue cupcake. It was something that was almost akin to contraband in their group. Sweets costed money, which they didn't have. If they did get some money, it would be far better spent on food that would satisfy their hunger better than a single cupcake.

Thalia carefully opened the lid and peered down at the cupcake. With another glance at her friends, she gingerly removed it from its plastic prison and held it in her hands. Her chest started filling with water, soaking the cottonballs and weighing her down. She started mournfully at the cupcake as tears filled her eyes.

"...Happy birthday, Jason," she whispered, her voice cracking as the tears ran down her cheeks.

Her beloved little brother would have been six years old today. He was only a mere year younger than Annabeth. She could still see his toothless grin when she closed her eyes. She could still see him squirming and crawling as she played simple games of catch with him. She could still see those blue eyes as clear in her mind as she could four years ago. Every part of her ached with sorrow. It was something that she dare not speak of, dare not tell to even Luke.

Jason was her pain to bear.

She carefully pulled the wrapper off the bottom and quietly started eating the cupcake. Part of her still felt so selfish for buying the cupcake, for not sharing it. But it was for Jason. Jason was something they couldn't be a part of.

After what felt like a century, Thalia had reduced the cupcake to a mere fraction of what it was before. All that was left was a small piece with hardly a whisp of frosting on top.

Thalia's eyes moved to the fire. She knew that sometimes, offerings would be made by burning them in a fire. Demigods of the past would even make offerings to Hades himself in such a manner. How things could reach him deep within the Underworld, she had no idea. The only thing that mattered was that it was supposed to work. Her arm shook as she lifted the crumb above the last remaining embers of their campfire.

With a deep breath, she dropped it into the flames.

 _This is for you, Jason_ , Thalia thought forlonely.

She wanted to believe more than anything that Jason was out there, somewhere. Something else within her told her otherwise. He had been so young. It had been so long ago. No two year old could... Thalia furiously wiped away her tears as she tried not to sob. She would always love him, always remember him. She would always wish to see him again, even though she knew it was impossible.

Thalia watched the cupcake burn and create a sweet, sugary smell in the air. Then it faded below the harsh smell of the smoke. She watched until nothing was left but ashes. Tears still streamed down her face as she leaned back and stared at the sky. She searched for a star, but the trees covered her line of sight too well. After a few minutes, she curled into herself and cried quietly, letting herself sob for just a moment.

 _I miss you,_ Thalia thought as she clawed at her arms.


End file.
